Tag Archives: basketball

Reasons Kobe Should Play Basketball For Italy


Kobe will be closer to Italian exotic cars makers like Maserati, Ferrari, and Lamborghini. It is already known that Kobe enjoys sports cars. He owns a Ferrari F430 and a 360 Modena. Being close to the automobile makers is like living near your favorite restaurant if you are a foodie.

A new motto

After making a flashy slam dunk, he can go “That’s one spicy meatball!”. Right now, he’s got too much American in him. Even though he was raised in Italy, his heart is with the Lakers. Once he’s re-immersed into the Italian culture, that thick Italian accent and the hand gestures will surely resurface. Speaking of food, haven’t we already imagined him spinning pizza dough like he would a basketball on his fingertips?

A new look

We’re all dreaming Kobe will grow a mustache and wear a plumbers suit to become a Mario brother. Being in Italy will legitimize that vision. After all, he already possesses the jumping ability.

The prodigal son factor

Everyone loves a prodigal son. If Kobe disappears, fans will either forget or fiendishly follow him. When he comes back, he’ll probably have gained new skills from a foreign culture and effectively become a more well rounded player.

An opportunity of playing soccer

Compared to the rest of the world, the United States isn’t exactly known for it’s soccer. Kobe stated that if he had stayed in Italy, he might have become a soccer player. Imagine if he were to live that dream. The world might have a new Bo Jackson.

Rekindle his marriage

Marriage takes a lot of work. Kobe Bryant’s had a rough start to his marriage because of sexual assault allegations. We all know Italy is one of the most romantic places on earth and being in Italy would definitely fan the flames of his love life with his beautiful wife, Vanessa.

Ron Artest Just Inspired Me To Change My Name

Ron Artest recently became Metta World Peace. The last time I checked, “World” wasn’t a common first name and “Peace” wasn’t a common last name. When it comes to middle names, it seems parents have unlimited options. Seeing how a friend recently gave his son the middle name “Ninja”, I’d say anything goes. Here are some names I’m thinking about starting a new life as.

Aaron Joshua Goldstein

I’ve recently become infatuated with Jewish girls and have this notion that many choose to only date men of the same religious background. There’s even a dating site dedicated to helping singles in the Jewish community find each other, jdate.com. Even though I’m Asian, I think my chances of dating a Jewish girl might be improved by changing my name to something that looks Jewish.

John Lee

Ever since I watched The Replacement Killers, I’ve been using “John Lee” as my forum registration name. It’s generic, which means my identity will be harder to trace. That’s very important if I WERE to live a secret life of a spy.

Sir Nigel Williams IV

I think every American fantasizes about being British. We do things like eat fish and chips, fixate on royal weddings, drink tea, and even wear football soccer jerseys. I would definitely need a Roman numeral suffix to convey a sense of pride in my bloodline. Having this name also entitles me to carry an excalibur in public in all 50 states.

Marc Wallberg

Wouldn’t it be interesting to share a name with someone that’s famous? I’ve always wanted to make a reservation or order a pizza and honestly give a name that makes the restaurant go “Wait… is this THE (celebrity name goes here)?” What if the person just assumed I was that person and gave me priority seating and outstanding service just based on the possibility of a great word of mouth review among my other imposter celebrity friends? I say we all deserve to be treated like kings and queens. Unfortunately, I haven’t figured out a game plan if  the restaurant puts two and two together after seeing “Mark Azali” on my credit card and not “Mark Wahlberg” and calls me out.

Kevin Amold

Sometimes the cleverest aliases are obscure references. This name was featured in one episode of The Wonder Years when a jeweler accidentally engraves Kevin’s name incorrectly. If you don’t recall, just check YouTube