I hope you guys didn’t think we forgot to give some thought on the recent announcement that Steve Jobs is no longer wearing a CEO hat at Apple. There are plenty of sites on the interwebs discussing his accomplishments. He’s certainly paid his dues and now that he’ll have some extra time on his hands, he can get back to working on fun personal projects that might include the following:
Steve Jobs has been serving 1st world countries for years but now he can start a respectable patent-free trend of making the rest of the planet happy. Most of the world, especially those ravished by natural disasters, don’t care about high resolution screens, faster processors, Instagram, or 4G. The top priority on these folks’ minds is not checking the latest product rumors/leaks; it’s getting a meal. iFood is a revolutionary service that literally originates in the cloud. By the power of Apple magic, crates of delicious gourmet meals will fall from the sky to those who need it the most. Imagine a world where you can order a meal like this delivered via parachute and purchased at an affordable price through iTunes:Appetizer:
Zuppa Toscano (that potato soup from Olive Garden)
Butternut squash ravioli
Dessert: Choco Taco
Have special dietary needs? Don’t worry! There’s a vegan/kosher version of that meal and it tastes identical!
Travel can be such a hassle. We’re so confined to the schedules and fluctuating fares of airlines, trains, buses, etc.. Jobs recognizes this and will somehow redefine the way we travel. It may not be teleportation or a maglev train we’ve all been dreaming of in America. Maybe it’ll be a jet pack similar to the Rocketeer’s. Of course it will have to be much slimmer and made of a combination of brush aluminum and glass. You might have some qualified concerns about how this is possible. Don’t forget though, it’s Steve Jobs.
Steve Jobs doesn’t like adult content on phones. We all know that just means he is obsessed with adult content. Jobs knows there are some things in life you can’t buy, so why not just create it? Have you ever wondered what an intelligent, 1/2 Korean, 1/4 Dutch, 1/8 Mexican, 1/8 Moroccan, 5’6″ girl who wants to do nothing else except please you mentally and physically might look like? Jobs is working on a device that will answer that question. Don’t worry, you can still customize her hair color and she’ll even switch accents using a swipe gesture.
When he’s gone, it’s important that Steve Job’s legacy not only feel alive, but also appear alive. Like every genius before him, Steve Jobs’ last efforts will be focused on creating an illusion that he is still hard at work. It’s impossible for anyone to know their “date”, but one thing’s certain: the iPhone 100s (or whatever it’s called ~96 years from now) will unmistakably have Steve Job’s magical signature